


Always

by BornToLose



Category: Bon Jovi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Happy Ending, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23129779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BornToLose/pseuds/BornToLose
Summary: You love Jon, but at some point the rockstar lifestyle gets too much for you. While you find a way to move on after the breakup, he's still not over you after two years and writes a song to cope.
Relationships: Jon Bon Jovi/You
Kudos: 4





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's not my usual fandom I write for, but someone requested JBJ angst, so why not add him to the list too? Also please listen to Always by Bon Jovi since this fic is based around it. And to all the og Bon Jovi fans: sorry if something is OOC, I'm still a baby fan.

It was November 1986 when you first met them. Bon Jovi, a new rock band from New Jersey.

You were currently working abroad for a year and you had a job in London as a photographer and journalist for the newspaper, specialising in music and events, which gave you the honor to interview the group. It was still work, but it did feel a bit like home because you were from New Jersey yourself and also not too far away from where the lead singer was living, as it turned out. You were wondering how you'd never seen him before.

The interview felt more like a casual conversation because they were pretty talkative, unlike some of the other interview partners you'd had to work with. While those had given rather short answers and made an annoyed impression, these boys made jokes and expanded on everything they replied, telling you more than the questions you had written down beforehand required. Another thing you liked about them was that they were really down-to-earth, even though their latest album had been a success and the tour didn't seem to be a flop either.

What distracted you a little from doing your job, though, was Jon trying to flirt with you, given the opportunity. On the outside, you stood your ground and just smiled, thanked him for compliments and found a graceful way back to the actual subject without seeming stiff, but on the inside, you felt yourself get weak. You were sure you weren't the first woman he was doing this with, but there was something about him that just got you. He really was charming and - no question - handsome. Very handsome, actually. But you were a professional, you couldn't let it show. Besides, you didn't want to give him the triumph to have you blushing and stuttering like a schoolgirl with a crush. So you continued with the interview as he continued flirting.

After you'd eventually released them with a thank you and good luck wishes for the rest of the tour, Jon was the only one left behind. He didn't even bother to get up from the leather couch. He was still sitting there, his legs crossed and a smile that would make every woman's heart melt on his face. This guy really wouldn't give up... "Hey."

"Hey," you replied, but it sounded more like a question as your voice suddenly sounded unusually thin. You'd been talking to the band for half an hour and everything was relaxed, but now you were alone in this room with the singer and you were beginning to act all nervous - something you'd been trying to avoid at all cost.

He leaned forward a bit, chuckling. "Sorry if that's intrusive, but may I have your number?"

Wow, you hadn't expected him to get right to the point. You'd thought there would be some more flattery first. Still, you gave him your business card that had the editorial office's number on it. If he actually wanted to call you, he'd take it upon himself to let the secretary put him through. He took it and left with a wink and a goodbye.

A day later he called you to ask if you might want to go get lunch with him. Of course you agreed.

A year later you were dating.

Two years later you were living together.

While everything was seemingly perfect - well, as far as you could speak of a perfect relationship when your boyfriend was a rock star and always on tour -, at some point things didn't work out for you anymore.

One morning, a few days before he left for yet another world tour, you told him you couldn't do this.

You already had your bags packed then and the only thing that held you here was the bad conscience you would get if you didn't tell him you were leaving. He'd been overall too good to you to be left alone without knowing why. But sadly not good enough for you to stay with him. Maybe if things had been different, you would have worked, but not under these circumstances.

Of course it was really tough to let go of him after those five years, but now it was time to quit before it would get worse for both of you. Perhaps your jealousy had something to do with it, but you couldn't get over him cheating on you during his last tour. You knew it was the typical rockstar lifestyle, but while you'd thought you'd be okay with that, it turned out to hurt you more than anticipated.

You were nervously waiting for him to join you in the kitchen so you could say your final goodbyes. You hoped it would happen quickly, so maybe it wouldn't hurt as much. But deep inside you knew you were lying; you'd leave this house with a broken heart anyway. When he stepped into the room, he wrapped an arm around you and kissed your cheek - like every morning - before sitting across from you.

This day could have been like any other day if you weren't going to break up with him. Your stomach twisted only thinking about it.

He gave you a sleepy smile and you almost got weak again seeing him like this, but you had to be strong. Strong enough to not surrender to him once again like the couple of times you'd been close to doing what you wanted to do today. But this time you could do this, for good. It was no use pretending everything was good when it was only a matter of time until your relationship would come to a miserable end.

The worst thing was that even though he'd just woken up and looked tired, as soon as those words fell off your lips, he fought for you. He wanted you to stay. He told you about all the things he'd do better and that you could work it out. But you'd already tried working it out, and that was more or less unsuccessful in the long run.

"You know exactly you can't keep those promises," you said shakily as you pushed his hand that was reaching out to wipe your tears away. His pleading made it even harder for you to leave.

You'd expected to start crying at some point, but not this much. And you'd expected him to fight for you, but not this hard. You were beginning to feel guilty for telling him it was over, but then you reminded yourself of the reason why you were breaking up with him. It was only for the best.

After an eternity of Jon trying to make you stay and making even more promises, which you only dully heard through your sobbing, you stood up, still holding his hand. Tears in his hopeful eyes, he looked up at you and squeezed your hand in an attempt to keep you from leaving. "Please," he whispered nearly inaudibly. "I love you."

You shook your head, your lip quivering. How much you wanted to say those words back… They would have been true. You loved him too. But it would be paradox to tell him you loved him while literally breaking up. "Goodbye, Jon."

Another stream of tears ran down his face and he pressed his lips against your knuckles one last time before reluctantly letting go of your hand, breaking your heart even more. "Goodbye, (y/n)."

As you started your car, all the suitcases and bags in the trunk and on the backseat, you looked back at the house you'd lived in for five years once more. Your vision still hazy because of your tears, you could only make out Jon's silhouette by the window. You turned around and drove off.

That was the last time you saw him.

At least in person. Of course, his face was all over magazines and television, which made it difficult to forget about him, but eventually you moved on after some time. It was hard, but you did it. You still liked listening to his band's music because let's be real, it was still good, even if you'd broken up with the lead singer, and while it made you feel melancholic at first, you didn't have any hard feelings after a year. Except for the love songs he'd written for you, but you tended to skip them most of the time.

Your relationship with Jon was a beautiful memory, nothing more. He'd been there for you during the time you had worked as a more or less struggling young journalist and your new boyfriend, Mark was there for you during your time as a more well known reporter for a music magazine. You couldn't compare them to each other. They were special in their own way, so there was no better or worse.

Jon's way of coping was different. Even after a year he couldn't let go of you. He felt almost obsessive, but not in a creepy kind of way. Richie said it was just the pain of separation, but he honestly didn't believe in that as it wasn't going to go away anytime soon. So he tried to find distraction in songwriting. But the songs he wrote about you now were different from the ones he had dedicated to you when you'd still been together. They weren't any less romantic, but they came with a bittersweet touch.

It was a chilly autumn afternoon in 1994 when you first heard a new song of his on the radio: 'Always'.

It was a power ballad, just like you remembered the other love songs he would write on his guitar as you'd sit on the bed and listen to him play and occasionally write some lyrics he'd come up with down. You were just writing another album review from the kitchen table when the music caught your attention. Since Mark was in the same room cooking, you couldn't stop and listen intently, but something about the song hit you right in the feels. Something told you that maybe Jon had written it about you. You took a mental note to buy the single the next time you'd get out, so you could properly pay attention to the lyrics to see if there were any hints.

It was kind of crazy to think he still wasn't over you and wrote songs about you, but maybe it wasn't too unrealistic? You knew Jon wasn't the kind of guy to forget about his girlfriends shortly after a breakup and you knew he used songwriting to cope with difficult situations. And in some way, your instinct told you he hadn't been in another relationship after you.

Thanks to your flexible working hours, you didn't have to show up at the editorial office everyday and were perfectly able to work from home in some cases. So you used the time when your boyfriend was at work to buy the song on CD.

As you put the music on, you sat on your bed, listening carefully. Alone the sound of his voice at the first words made you shiver. In addition to that, the lyrics brought back this melancholic feeling you'd gotten while listening to his music a year ago. After the line _"Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore, but baby, that's just me"_ you were pretty much convinced it had something to do with you. He'd always blamed himself for everything that had gone wrong during the time you'd been with him.

_"Now your pictures that you've left behind_

_Are just memories of a different life_

_Some that made us laugh_

_Some that made us cry_

_One that made you have to say goodbye"_

Another hint. Overall, your relationship had gone very well. You'd had some ups and downs, but that was normal. Other than that, there weren't any problems except for him cheating on you. That was the one memory he was talking about that had made you have to say goodbye.

It was only the part _"I've made mistakes, I'm just a man"_ that made you actually realize for the first time how heartbroken he must have been too. You weren't the only one who had fallen down a deep hole after your separation. He was probably just as devastated as you and you hadn't known until now. Maybe you should have given him one more chance... This chance could have been the last he needed to be a better boyfriend and you'd dumped him. Only thinking about him still struggling to move on while you had a new boyfriend in the meantime gave you a terrible feeling. Yes, it was probably much too early to agree to be in another relationship so soon, but you'd needed someone to distract you.

_"When he holds you close, when he pulls you near_

_When he says the words you've been needing to hear_

_I'll wish I was him 'cause these words are mine_

_To say to you 'til the end of time"_

This one hit you especially hard because he _knew_ you were over him and had somebody else by your side now. You clearly remembered Jon saying "'til the end of time" whenever he'd promised you he'd stay with you forever or after you'd had an argument and he'd come to apologize. You'd ask if he was going to leave you and he'd always say, "I'll love you 'til the end of time". And he meant it. You always believed him - until the day you didn't. And now you believed it again. But now it was too late.

_"Well, there ain't no luck with these loaded dice_

_But baby, if you give me just one more try_

_We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives_

_We'll find a place where the sun still shines"_

He was literally begging to start all over again. This part only showed how desperate he was to fix everything he'd done wrong. It made you think of the morning you'd told him you were leaving. His eyes were shiny with tears, his hands sweaty, his voice full of hope, his heart breaking. He'd fought for you to stay and that alone should have had been enough proof that you were so much more important to him than you'd assumed, but you hadn't seen that back then.

The song was over and the ringing of your phone brought you back to reality. To the present. You sniffled and got up to answer Mark's call. "Hey babe, you wanna go to the cinema tonight? I'll pick you up at 7:40."

"Yeah," you plainly said. "See you later."

It was spring 1995 when Mark and you parted ways. He said you were too attached to your ex boyfriend and he wasn't wrong. Ever since you'd listened to the song you supposed had been written about you, Jon hadn't left your thoughts. Your mind was constantly filled with 'what if's and daydreams.

And it was only a few months later that your friend Aubrey convinced you to go to a Bon Jovi concert. You were very reluctant about it, but she told you it would be better if you talked to him to clear things up.

"You don't have to get back together," she said in the car on your way to the venue. "But I know you both need to properly talk about it. It isn't good for either of you, believe me."

"Yeah, you're right," you murmured, absentmindedly staring out the window. Even though you really did want to see Jon again, you were a bit scared. Would he be bitter about your choice? Would he tell you he'd moved on? Would he be mad at you?

Luckily, the two of you were practically in the middle of the audience. Not too close to the stage and not too far in the back, but a good distance to see everything while not being immediately noticeable for the band. It was enough that you had to go backstage and talk to him afterwards, but at the moment you just wanted to enjoy the show.

The opening track was 'Livin' on a Prayer' and the moment Jon jumped out on the stage he took your breath away. Again. You remembered the first Bon Jovi gig you had attended. It had been the night after you'd interviewed the band. Jon had asked you to come see their second show during your lunch date. He'd always had this effect on you once he set foot on the stage and it hadn't decreased until this day.

The crowd cheering and singing along was almost as loud as the actual band and you had to admit you were one of them. In quieter moments girls were shouting 'I love you's at Jon and you just stood there thinking, 'How did I get so lucky to have had been with this man for five years?' Obviously, everyone was after him and you had been his number one.

And after they'd finished the song, there it was again. That damn grin that had started it all. You remembered the many times he'd invited you to his gigs and you were watching from the wings or the front row when he'd give you that smile.

As the last notes of 'Hey God' wore off, Jon placed his hand on the microphone the way he always did when he was about to sing one of the slower songs. "The next song is a love song I wrote for our album 'Cross Road'." You'd almost forgotten how much you loved his speaking voice. "As you may know, I write all my ballads about someone. And tonight this someone is here."

 _How did he know?_ Your smile fell and you turned to Aubrey, who only smirked. People in the crowd were babbling and looking around to search for the person the singer was talking about. Some were jealous, some were happy for him and that mysterious girl and some were plainly curious.

"Y'all this is 'Always'," he announced and looked directly at you because your shocked reaction was conspicuous. After a brief moment of just taking in each other's appearance he flashed you a smile and you couldn't help but return it.

But this one wasn't like any other smile you'd gotten from him during a concert. This smile wasn't one that said 'I'm so glad you're here, I love you' but one that said 'Thank you for coming. I wrote this song for you, please give me another chance'.

And then he started singing, his facial expressions and gestures emphasizing the lyrics. It was a beautiful song, but it made you cry within the first minute - just like it had when you'd bought the single last year. Even more so now that he had clarified it really was for you.

You hadn't expected this feeling of guilt to come your way so soon, but Jon looking into your direction at times and the pleading tone in his voice you knew all too well tugged at your heartstrings. The only thing that made you tell this apart from a private performance for you was the audience waving their hands in the air, but other than that, it felt like he was singing this only for you - which was true to some degree.

Your emotions playing wild didn't stop you from enjoying the rest of the show, though. You still sang and danced along as if nothing had happened.

When the concert was over, you were starting to feel jittery. Almost like nine years ago in London. But this time it wasn't excitement. It was worry. Waiting for the majority of the audience to leave so you could get backstage without being crushed, you asked Aubrey, "Why did you even tell him I'm here?"

She smiled sheepishly. "I called him."

"Wait, this wasn't only your idea, right? He had something to do with this," you realized.

"Well, yeah… Kind of. I saw him a few months ago and he asked if I could get you to see him again."

You really hadn't expected him to love you as much as to get your friend to convince you to go to his concert so he could see you. And honestly, it was very sweet - just like you'd known him when you'd still lived together.

Eventually, you found an opportunity to push your way to the stage door. The security man told you you were on the list and let you through without any problems.

Walking down the corridor, you scanned for a sign that would say 'Jon Bon Jovi - dressing room' as your anxiety was steadily getting worse. You'd be happy to meet him, no question, but you hadn't talked to him in over two years and you didn't really know how to handle this situation, as you were literally going to talk about your messy breakup.

As you finally reached the half open door of his dressing room, you knocked at the door frame. "Yeah?" came his voice as he fully opened the door. Upon noticing it was you, there was something in his eyes - a glint - and he stepped aside, motioning for you to come in. You obeyed and he closed the door behind him, turning around to you. The two of you stared at each other for a good five minutes. You were both speechless, but you were the first to do something about the awkward silence. "I missed you," you whispered, feeling the tears forming in your eyes.

"I missed you too. I missed you so fucking much," he breathed, taking a step closer to you and before he knew it, you threw your arms around his torso. He quickly returned the hug, pulling you as close to him as possible. You didn't know for how long you remained that way, but it was definitely not long enough. It felt so good to be held like this again. By him.

"About the song…" you spoke up, not lifting your face, instead burying it deeper in the crook of his neck. "How much of it is true?"

"Everything. It sounds cliché, but I meant every single word of it. When you left me…" He pulled away to look at you. "I couldn't believe it's true. I was in denial. But when I realized you weren't coming back, I couldn't get over you. So I wrote this song in an attempt to cope… and even that didn't really help if I'm honest."

Jon led you over to the small sofa and got on his knees in front of you, holding your hands. "(Y/n), nothing was your fault. And I know I was a terrible boyfriend."

You shook your head. "You weren't a terrible boyfriend. The thing that bothered me was the whole cheating story. I know it's the rockstar lifestyle, but I just couldn't get along with that," you explained. All of a sudden, you felt bitter at the thought of the fights you'd had because of that.

He bit his lip, nodding. "I know and I promise it had nothing to do with you. It was wrong and I'll never do that again."

There was a sincerity in his voice, but that had also been the case the first time he'd done this to you and then it had happened again. Perhaps he was being serious now?

You looked down into his blue eyes. You hadn't done this for as long as you hadn't seen him. The same eyes that had begged you to give him one last chance were now sparkling with a different kind of hope. Apparently you forgave you him and he was just waiting for you to say something.

"Okay" was the only thing you were able to say at the moment. Your mind was racing and you didn't know what else to reply. You kind of believed him and you were sure he wouldn't cheat on you for a while, but after a few years he'd probably still do it to you. You knew he never meant to hurt you, but it was almost inevitable.

You gave him a smile as if to tell him not to worry. He smiled back and stroked your knuckles with his thumb. "Sit down," you said. "Please."

He did and you wrapped your arms around him. All you wanted to do now was to hug him. You were too glad he wasn't mad at you and actually wanted to see you again. You hadn't known you wanted that as much as him all along. You both stayed silent for a few minutes before Jon started whisper-singing the bridge of 'Always', which made you smile and run a hand through his hair. Another thing you had missed doing.

"Will you?" he asked quietly, referring to the line that asked you to give him another try.

You slightly turned your head and felt confident enough to give him a peck on the cheek. "Yes."

"Thank you so much!" He had a wide smile on his face and held you even closer. You could tell that it meant a lot to him that you gave him a second chance. "You don't know how sorry I am. I promise I'll do everything better this time."

"When are you back from your tour?"

"The tour ends next July, but from December I'm free until May," he explained, leaning against the backrest. "So we'll have five months before I hit the road again."

"That means I'll see you again in four months?" you asked, chewing on your bottom lip.

He nodded. "But once I come home, we can go on a trip if you want?"

You smirked. "Got everything planned out, huh?"

"Yeah, kinda." He was blushing a little and you found it absolutely adorable. It was hard to believe now that you'd literally been separated for more than two years.

"Hey, Jon?"

"Hm?"

"I'm really sorry for leaving you without properly talking about it. I should have given you a chance to defend yourself," you apologized, scrunching up your nose.

He put an arm around you and you instinctively leaned your head against his shoulder. "It's okay. We're good now, right?"

"Yeah."

He grinned and kissed your forehead. "See?"


End file.
